Suppose you find a mate that seems like the ideal connection with minimal flaws that you feel need to be changed but instead an almost too good to be true sort of effect.
In that case, you don’t want to do anything with the potential for damaging the partnership. But then you meet those that make up your guy’s social circle and determine you don’t like any of your boyfriend’s friends.
It’s not even a slight dislike; it’s more of a great disdain or despise for these individuals.
No one wants to make their mate have to choose between the people he’s closest to and his significant other. That’s an unfair ultimatum and one that typically goes poorly for the partner.
Still, it would help if you didn’t have to pretend to be comfortable around people you find awful. What do you do when a mate’s friends’ first impression puts you off? Let’s find out.
When you don’t like your boyfriend’s friends
When you meet a man that you find ideal in almost every way but then find his friends repulsive, it’s a bit of a quandary. No one wants to give up someone they see an immediate connection with because their friends are a problem.
At the same time, close friends make up a significant part of a person’s life.
A new mate can’t come in and expect a partner to stop seeing their friends in favor of them. Generally, one of the “tests,” if you will, of whether a significant other is the right one is how well they get along with those in a social circle since these people are an essential part of our life.
What happens when you fail that test? Let’s look at a few things you can do to handle the situation.
Ignoring it won’t make it go away
When you don’t like a mate’s friends, the issue won’t disappear. Being involved in social situations will probably crop up a lot more than you’re comfortable with, and the fact you’re unhappy could drastically affect where the partnership goes in the future.
When your boyfriend is forced into a position where there’s a choice between close friends he may have had for years and a new partner for whom they might not like for good reasons, he could end the relationship.
- Related: My boyfriend never takes me out
Determine your reasoning for these feelings
Suppose the feelings have nothing to do with the actual people but more so involves the time your mate spends with the individuals. The fact that your guy is taken away from you to enjoy a good time with other people could be bothering you to where you’ve developed feelings of jealousy towards the group and not necessarily dislike.
Another possibility is that men often tend to act a little differently when around close friends than when they’re with family or with a significant other.
Personalities change, making a mate somewhat uncomfortable with their behavior. It’s a very genuine possibility you don’t like how they influence him to be someone you don’t recognize.
In any case, these are feelings you might need to work through since the issues are yours alone and not something that will change.
Communicate your feelings
Communication is always advised in any situation in a partnership. No one will be able to know what’s happening in your mind if you don’t share the issue upfront, honestly, and vulnerably.
The issue is a sensitive one, so it’s essential to find a way of being tactful. The idea is to find a solution that works for everyone, a compromise because these are your boyfriend’s friends, and he will want to continue his relationship.
Acknowledging their importance in his life is key and then expressing what the issue is. This is why you need first to understand that reason. Explain how he is different when around these individuals or perhaps spending too much time with them and neglectful of you.
Don’t blame the friends because it will only put your man on the defensive.
Make an effort with the friends
No one feels it’s a requirement for a partner to get in tight with a significant other’s close social circle. Perhaps he hasn’t made that effort with yours either.
But making an effort to get to know them and at least get along enough to hold a conversation and act like you’re enjoying their company isn’t too much to ask.
You could almost pretend like it’s a job interview where you need to be cordial and pleasant. After seeing the friends a few times, there might be a few characteristics you pull out that you actually enjoy.
There might be a fierce sense of loyalty within the group, a great support system, and they might come across as a hilarious team when they’re together.
It takes time to get to know each person. You really can’t take the first impression as the end-all.
Pay attention to learn if the friends like you
You might be consumed with the fact you don’t care for your boyfriend’s friends. Still, there’s a difference between that and them going out of their way to leave you out of the group.
That would mean that they are not fond of you. Even if that is the case, it’s still your responsibility to attempt to get along with these people in an effort to maintain a relationship that means so much to you.
Again it’s also vital to communicate your feelings with your mate so he can pay attention as well.
Speak about boundaries
Sometimes a boyfriend’s close friend happens to be a girl, and in some cases, this person is a clingy, needy person who never remembers that you’re in his life, generally becoming a severe issue on your nerves.
Because the friend can be intensely inconsiderate, it’s typically a genuine relationship partnership issue since you ultimately come to despise her.
You find it easier not to voice opinions since you know it will only come across as jealousy.
However, the problem is when there is disrespect and someone taking advantage, they are typically being allowed to do these things. That makes it vital to communicate these issues with your significant other, bringing in specific examples exhibiting the worst behavior as evidence of your statements.
It might be necessary to walk away
In some cases where the situation becomes extreme, a boyfriend’s nasty friends can result in a decision regarding the partnership. That’s especially true of a mate who hangs around with individuals who might participate in illegal activities, are overall disrespectful, or won’t get it together despite advancing age.
These circumstances are all too familiar in many relationships. It’s unnecessary to provide an ultimatum to a man, nor should you focus on what’s right or what’s wrong.
The way to handle a situation like this is to have a discussion as a mate who intends to have a future with this person. It’s his life, though, and if he needs to hang onto this lifestyle with these people, you will need to do what is healthy and suitable for you and ideal for the future you see for yourself, even if that means that you need to end the partnership.
The ultimate solution when you can’t stand his friends
No hard and fast rule says a mate has to hang out with a guy’s friends. It’s always great if a couple’s friends like each other since these are significant people in each other’s lives.
Still, when the two of you have an ideal connection, that’s what’s ultimately important. You can find ways to compromise around the friends to the satisfaction of each person.
A mate doesn’t have to associate with the friends if they’re uncomfortable in doing so. That doesn’t mean the guy can’t go out a couple of times each week and have a good time with them and the same for the partner with their friends.
- Read next: Reasons a boyfriend talks to other females
Throughout the relationship, it isn’t saying that there won’t come a time where occasionally there might be an interaction with the group. The important thing is that it’s not a requirement for the partnership to go on happily and healthily into the future.
Now, if there’s a wedding and the pair needs to invite guests, it might turn into a bit of a situation. There’s always the option for eloping.
When a mate doesn’t like a partner’s friends, it can be a significant problem if the couple allows it to be an issue. If the pair has an incredible connection, there are ways to compromise, so everyone is happy.
No one needs to be put in a situation where they have to choose between a group of significant people and a new partner who has become equally vital.
It’s wrong to be put in that position when he can have both – just not at the same time. Now, if it’s a “girl” friend, we might be talking about a whole other set of circumstances. That would be another article entirely.