How to tell if a married man is using you? That can be blatant, and still, you’re blind. If he’s fooling you, maybe there are more people like you he sees. Being trusting is risky. Remember, his wife is too.
There’s a level of vulnerability for someone just getting out of a marriage or a young singleton, perhaps a question concerning confidence getting back into the dating game.
That’s not saying all potential partners for cheating guys are naive and innocent. But there’s a level of low self-esteem for those who might turn to married men for companionship. These husbands are aware of that.
There will be signs a married man is using you for those who pay attention since typically. The lotharios view the dating world as their playground. Unfortunately, most times, these are not one-time occurrences for husbands.
They habitually look to satisfy unfulfillable insecurity within themselves, a grave disservice to their married partner and the victims with whom they come in contact for a rendezvous.
Emotions are not on tap in these matchups, like trust, something most of these mates have little concern over. That’s not something taken into consideration with any of the partners with whom they build that bond, including the person with whom they have an established marriage.
Destruction is often left in these men’s paths. Most mates suffer a level of heartbreak with a sense of betrayal, not knowing how someone could have fooled them without them recognizing the charmer for what he was instead of believing it was, in fact, authentic love.
Sadly, unsuspecting partners blame themselves for what transpires. Plus, they get the spouse’s wrath as though they were the cause of the straying. Even after all the man puts his spouse and varied partners through, no one wants to put fault in his lap. Why? Let’s find out.
Why do married men pretend to be single?
It’s honestly easy to call men out as sheep in wolf’s clothing. Still, if you’re going to be real, when you think about the idea of pretending to be single as merely a mindset, many people involved in long-term relationships have fantasies – and often.
Most individuals would be lying to themselves if they didn’t reminisce about the days of carefree dating without the notion of paying bills, helping with homework, household chores, even if you have a love of your life.
That doesn’t mean you would ever leave or actually cheat on that person; maybe have a daydream, even flirt a little, to get a sense of what it feels like again. Can that get you in trouble?
Yes, some guys do take it to the nth degree by passing phone numbers with the notion of just having a conversation which turns into merely meeting for a coffee and progresses from there. That’s more than pretending to be single.
There’s a need to stroke the ego or boost insecurity which leads us back to cheating. That can quickly develop into a habit for which there comes a need to begin to lie to everyone involved to cover tracks because there’s no intention to leave the life the man built with his spouse.
He is simply using the other mate for selfish purposes. But how can that person become aware of this “gentleman’s” game? Check out some of these apparent signs a married man is using you.
10 signs a married man is using you
When a man becomes involved with someone outside his marriage, it’s either screaming of insecurity within himself or a need to break away from the norm of his everyday lifestyle, a way to refresh. Still, not an attempt to leave the commitment that he’s established with his spouse.
Unfortunately, if your involvement in the extramarital affair becomes an emotional attachment. Which tends to happen when a man showers someone with attention and affection, empty or not. It can be “distressing” to know you have to share the mate for whom you’ve grown to love and care.
You might recognize the relationship is morally wrong. Still, in believing there’s mutual love and respect, it’s easy to talk yourself into the idea that it’s a meant-to-be type scenario.
Still, if the married guy is giving clear indications that he’s not fully invested in your emotions, it can prove devastating, not just mentally but also physically harmful.
If you take the step to involve yourself with a married man, it’s essential to look at these signs to determine if you might be the victim of being used. Seeing any of these warnings will tell you it’s time to move on to a partnership where you are the focus of attention and not a distraction.
1. Conversations about the partnership are kept light and simple
When you attempt to move discussions about the relationship to a more serious level, the signs will include the fact that he will sway the topic to a different direction entirely.
A married guy has no genuine intention of leaving his spouse. But that’s where all of his responsibility and commitments lie. A second relationship needs to remain light and easy.
2. The relationship needs to be exclusive
In instances of unfaithfulness, there is a double standard. The married partner is allowed to stray from his spouse, but as the dating mate, you need to remain exclusive, so you’re available at any given moment.
Plus, despite a lack of loyalty on his part, he expects there to be nothing but where you’re concerned.
3. The idea of having a typical boyfriend is likely not in the cards
A husband already has a person with whom he carries substantial responsibilities and a commitment. When his mate expects him to be available, he must be at home to handle life, and all that entails.
Calls from you to be present when you expect attention or would even merely enjoy spending time with him will likely fall on deaf ears. The guy will often fit you in when there’s a spare moment.
The thing to remember is that the relationship you share is hidden. A warning sign is that it will probably remain a secret, never to be revealed. Constant companionship is not going to be a priority for the one you desire. If you hope to receive this, a married man is not the answer.
4. Calls and texts will generally go unanswered
In most cases, when you try to reach out with a call or text, the phone will be silenced to prevent the spouse from checking the messages. There will usually be rules that you do not contact him for any reason when you’re not together with the knowledge that he will not speak to you with family or friends present.
The family will be a priority for a husband, and anyone interfering with that will make him angry.
- Good reading: How to tell if someone lies to you through text
5. Gifts typically fall on a generic platform
In this type of partnership, everything refrains from being personal, and that includes gifts. If you receive presents, these usually follow a relatively generic pattern with minimal thought put into the process.
Commonly nondescript jewelry is a gift given to a person involved in an extramarital affair.
6. You are never a priority
It’s genuinely sad, but with physical affairs, guys show little respect for the person with whom they’re cheating. When it’s a day they’re supposed to be spending time with you, and something else comes up with a friend, work, or an activity with the spouse or family, that will become a priority, and the man will leave you behind to go.
Most mates grow tired of what they view as disrespect, sometimes presenting an ultimatum. That’s not wise since these don’t work in an extramarital affair. The man will simply head back to his wife and look for another person to date on the side who doesn’t put stipulations on him.
7. When you need your partner, he often won’t be there
A partner is someone you should be able to rely on in times of need or if you could use support. That can be a rigid order for a person that’s a husband to another mate.
Generally, these elements come with a partnership that is healthy and solid. But you can’t indeed expect that when a man’s commitment is not to you.
Dependability will not be a strong suit. There might be effort when you realize that you have a genuine need. But there will also be an expectation for understanding when that effort can’t be met.
8. Other episodes of cheating
Trust is not something you can give freely with men who are willingly cheating on their wives. As is the consensus in these situations, “if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.”
That’s not a comfortable place to be since you know this person is cheating on his spouse with you; how do you know he’s not cheating on you?
In some scenarios, an extramarital affair often involves more than one dating partner. A “cheater” will sometimes be a “serial dater” with several people he sees in his day-to-day life.
It’s impossible to confront a man in this case because he has a spouse to use as “the person” consuming his time. There’s no way to prove the reality of more mates in the mix.
The kicker with this is that it will not be okay for you to see other people if the tables are turned. Exclusivity is expected where you’re concerned. Adding another man to your dating schedule would indeed cause a problem in the relationship. For you, the toxicity is excused, or you move on.
9. Public experiences will be different than when you’re alone
The guy will be completely different with you in the public setting than he is at home alone. You won’t be represented as a “dating partner” while out in social circles, especially if there’s someone with whom he and his spouse are mutually familiar.
Close friends will not have an introduction to you. You’ll be viewed as a mere acquaintance. If you attempt to make an appearance on the job or try to be affectionate while out socially, you will be ignored and receive an angry reception the next time you’re alone together.
The idea is that you’re hidden, and no one finds out about you since your mate’s goal is to retain his marital status. It is not his intention now or ever to leave his spouse and develop the relationship that you have into anything more than what it is now.
10. There’s no attempt to learn who you authentically are
When there’s a desire to get to know the authentic version of you as a person, it means the guy wants to progress towards a healthy partnership. Likely there is genuine care developing and a hope to make you happy instead of merely using you to escape the doldrums of life with the same person every day.
If there’s no interaction to the point he knows nothing about who you are and isn’t trying to learn. These are signs a married guy just using you and doesn’t care to find out who you are, what you’re about, how you feel nor what you anticipate from him.
His only desire is to “have his cake and eat it too.” That means for you, it’s time to let go of the toxicity and find a man without strings whose only interest is you.
Becoming involved with a married man knowingly is probably one of the most toxic situations in which a person can put themselves. If you really think about it before you enter into the relationship, why aren’t they divorced? And if they have kids, why would you want to take an already lousy scene and make it worse?
It’s wise to do yourself a favor and wait on that particular man until he’s free and available. If the guy genuinely likes you now while he’s married, there will be genuine enthusiasm when he’s divorced – if that happens.
If not, you’ve saved yourself a lot of stress, heartache, and playing second fiddle. Find someone who puts you in the first seat.