When you’re in a relationship, not everything is perfect. In fact, partnerships take a great deal of effort and work after the glow of the honeymoon phase has faded. During that period, mates tend to put on an air of pretense, not showing their authentic selves until things become a bit more comfortable and familiar.
Once you’re committed, you might begin to notice a more pessimistic side to your partner. Either there were hints of this while dating that you thought your significant other would grow out of, or you thought you could help change over time. But now your husband is negative about everything, and you’re uncertain what to do.
Reasons for a husband being a negative person
At the beginning of every relationship, intentions or boundaries need to be determined and should mutually be respected. Among those are criticisms and complaints that need to be kept in check.
Unfortunately, there are times when a mate begins to dwell only on the bad. Even if it appears that the partner is coming from a positive perspective, when the conversation focuses on what has been deemed the downsides, it could damage the relationship to the point the complaints push away their spouse.
While a husband might feel as though he’s helping with his “constructive” criticism, it’s creating more harm than good. When you think the negativity is beginning to drain your energy, you need to reassess to determine the reasons and figure out how to work through it. Let’s look at some of the potential reasons a husband might be negative about everything.
Resentment
Resentment is tough and can make a mate exceptionally negative towards their partner depending on the reason for the emotion. Perhaps a life circumstance got put on the backburner with your husband perceiving that it’s your fault, but the significant other won’t come out and discuss it directly.
That’s the shame of poor communication in a relationship. Carrying resentment without having a discussion about the way you feel can damage each person, not to mention the partnership overall. It results in what you see as unexplained criticisms and nitpicking when it could be resolved by having a conversation.
When people take the time to talk from the beginning, especially if there’s a life circumstance to work out, compromise is possible, and then resentment can’t take hold.
Baggage
You could be getting the brunt end of baggage that’s unresolved. Maybe certain behavior reminds your husband of a past relationship or specific things he might have dealt with in his past that were unpleasant, and he can’t quite get past the issues.
When a husband displays negativity about everything you do based on someone else’s behavior or another experience, the comparisons are unfair to you. You have unique talents and qualities that make you the person your mate fell in love with and married for entirely different reasons.
The circumstances need to be worked through from the past in order to move forward with a healthy future.
In this sort of situation, communication for the husband would need to transpire with a professional counselor. The expert can work through the layers of the baggage until solutions are reached, and there’s no negativity left to dole out on an unsuspecting spouse.
Burnout
When overworked in a career and feeling immense stress consistently, burnout can result. Burnout can make a spouse feel a sense of hopelessness and cause negative behavior directed at those around them on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, these symptoms can lead your husband into depression when neglected. There are often other symptoms that go along with the negative attitude when it results from burnout. Some of these include:
- Being unhappy and complaining about nearly everything
- Low mood
- Anxiety
- Little motivation
- Increased sleep
- Intrusive negative thinking
- Losing interest in usual activities
When seeing these signs, along with the negative vibes you’re receiving from your significant other, it’s essential to intervene so your mate knows they’re supported.
If you feel it might be somewhat more severe, it’s vital to reach out for professional guidance and find a way to help your husband slow down with his career to relieve some stress and pressure.
A break might be necessary
When a husband is being negative about everything, complaining and criticizing regularly, sometimes there’s a need for a break. Life sometimes gets in the way of happiness and positivity with the same old happening each day, a rut, or a routine.
It grows boring, making people irritable and frustrated. It can come out in numerous ways, but often spouses begin to bicker. A husband will become negative about everything, generally criticizing and complaining, with not much of anything satisfying needs.
When that becomes the situation, it’s time for a break. That doesn’t mean the two of you need to break up or separate, but sometimes a little time and space from the regular can invigorate and allow a couple to appreciate all they have.
Suppressed trauma
There are instances when a husband could be suppressing a trauma that might have somehow been triggered and is now haunting him. Your spouse likely doesn’t recognize what’s happening. He is probably confused by the events and doesn’t know how to deal with the situation, which is why he reacts as he does. It generally causes lashing out, the least of which is becoming negative with those around them.
While you’ll be the one enduring the negativity, your mate will be experiencing their own issues from the trauma, including flashbacks that aren’t making sense, perhaps nightmares, a great deal of stress.
These things can culminate not only in your partner being negative but reacting in anger. It’s essential to be careful and sensitive to determining what might be triggering the events.
Still, don’t tolerate any abusive behavior. At that point, it would be necessary to leave until the individual can get some help. You can ensure that your partner receives the required therapy to work through the events, but it’s ultimately their responsibility to get the professional guidance they need.
Insecurities
When someone is insecure, they tend to wear the face of a bully or put forth a negative vibe to those around them because they feel negative about themselves; there’s a sense of inadequacy that they need to project onto the person in their life.
A husband with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence tends to complain and criticize what you do in order to try to make himself feel better. No matter what you might say or do, it’s not satisfactory. In some cases, these sorts of relationships tend towards toxicity since some men are narcissists and don’t always last.
What can you do to help him?
When you have a negative husband who complains about everything, but you still want to try to salvage the relationship, there needs to be an effort from each of you, starting with an open line of communication.
If it looks as though you’ll be doing all the work, which has probably been the course of things until now, it’s not going to be an effective solution. You can’t produce enough positivity to make the partnership thrive or succeed without draining your energy resulting in its eventual demise anyway.
Once the situation reaches the point where the criticisms and complaints are no longer tolerable, you need to express those facts to your significant other.
By doing so, decisions can be made whether each of you wants to exude the effort required to make the marriage work if your husband even recognizes the core issue at hand and wants to participate in correcting it.
Sometimes, it takes some time apart to reflect on the issues after having an initial conversation about the problems at hand. It doesn’t have to mean that you’ll separate or end the marriage.
A small break can sometimes allow each person to refocus on what’s important and where things have been going wrong so solutions can be sought.
After a set period of time, you can come back together to discuss whether you both want to put the effort in to resolve the negativity that’s coming between you. Make sure to set a deadline and not take too long a period apart; roughly two weeks is the suggestion.
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Final thought
Negativity coming from a husband can mean numerous things. It takes understanding and patience to get to the core of the issue so it can be resolved. The priority is not to take the problem at face value.
Even though your spouse is directing the negativity at you, they’re likely not feeling negative towards you. There is an underlying problem that needs help.
It’s not easy to get to the root. Sometimes it requires seeking professional guidance to lead you as a couple or your husband individually or both depending on where you believe the focus needs to be. What’s important is that communication is initiated because that’s the key component to every solution.
