The genuinely lovely thing about being in an exclusive and (assuming) long-term committed relationship is the familiarity and comfortability that comes with that.
That being said, it is in no way an indication that there no longer needs to be effort put in. As relationships progress, there’s more effort required in order to make these fresh and strengthen the bond.
In the honeymoon phase, that’s unnecessary because you have two people acting on pretense; there’s not a lot of reality happening. Realism doesn’t set in until there’s exclusivity and at least the idea of a commitment. At that point, men will either step up their game or become lazy.
If your boyfriend has stopped taking you out, he could be among the lazy. That means he feels now that you have a commitment and comfort; he no longer needs to put on airs.
Your mate can now be real instead of wining and dining. Maybe that just wasn’t who he is; perhaps he’s a homebody. But it’s indeed time for a conversation to find out who this man genuinely is so you can decide if you like the new version.
My boyfriend doesn’t take me out anymore
When a partnership leaves the honeymoon phase, some people develop growing pains. They’re not quite sure how to handle the realism that comes with exclusivity and the idea of a commitment.
Conversations are not as light as they once were. Instead, they take on a more in-depth nature. The partnership develops into a comfortable and familiar one where the couple will either go out and enjoy a pleasant evening together or stay in and have a good time.
But if you’re experiencing a mate who doesn’t take you out at all anymore or isn’t putting effort into the relationship, it can be a problem.
When you progress into a longer-term commitment, there should be a more significant effort since you are developing a deeper connection, strengthening a bond, and attempting to establish a healthy, thriving, and prosperous union.
The spark will fizzle if only one tries to keep things fresh and exciting while the other does nothing. Let’s look at some potential reasons why that might happen.
Why isn’t my boyfriend taking me out anymore?
The honeymoon phase of a relationship is when two people try to get to know each other. Unfortunately, in most cases, people put on air during that stage not actually being an authentic version of themself.
Many times a boyfriend will take his mate out every night to nice places to eat or to the cinema or any establishment she wants to try in the beginning. But did you ever stop to think maybe that wasn’t his thing?
Maybe he was trying to make an impression when all he really wanted to do was sit in his sweatpants with some popcorn and watch TV with you, but he was afraid to make the suggestion.
The person you’re with now who is all comfortable and familiar is likely the real deal who maybe doesn’t want to go out every night. But he should be making an effort for the partnership to try to compromise even if he is a homebody.
Relationships don’t work without compromise and effort on each person’s part. Let’s try to explain some of the reasons your guy might not be taking you out to at least give him an excuse.
Commonalities
When you dated, did you discuss interests and things you might have in common? Maybe the things that your guy likes to do aren’t similar to the specific interests you might have.
If you enjoy musicals or shows, he might like to watch sports. Regardless of the specifics, if these are too different, there might be challenges in finding a compromise.
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He might have hobbies you could take a part in or vice versa. But if you enjoy scrapbooking and he likes to play football, there’s little likelihood you’ll find a desire to participate with each other.
Maybe you don’t like the other’s taste in music either, so the two of you can’t frequent the same entertainment spots. At some point, you’ll have to begin to question what it is that brought you together in the beginning since there are few commonalities and not much room for compromise.
Friends are his preference
A reason your partner might not take you out is that he prefers his friends’ company when he goes out. While couples should enjoy independence and their individual time, friends should not prioritize a partner.
If the indication is that you come second to the friends, there might be a reason to walk away from the partnership.
If the two of you scheduled a dinner and movie, but your man decided at the last minute, he couldn’t come in favor of poke with the guys, that’s a significant red flag.
Men in healthy partnerships don’t do things like that. If he desires to always prioritize friendships over the relationship, his interest for you might not be that strong.
There is something he’s hiding
In some situations where a boyfriend no longer takes his mate on dates and acts suspicious, he has lost feelings for his partner or is cheating in the relationship.
There is also the very real possibility that you’re the other mate that he’s hiding from another partner. If he’s involved with someone, you’ll be able to tell if he tries not to be seen in public situations with you and avoids taking you out on dates, nor have you likely met any of his friends.
It’s wise not to get involved with men who make it clear they’re avoiding the public scene with you.
He wants space
On the other side of the coin, your boyfriend might need some space or have an issue that he needs time to handle by himself. Either he’s stressed because of a project at work, or he could be facing some family issues, or maybe he simply wants a break from the partnership.
That doesn’t have to mean he wants to end the relationship, but there are moments when people want some space merely to get a fresh perspective on things.
While you need to honor his wishes, nothing says you need to wait an extended period. A man sometimes gets a bit too comfortable in their couplehood and fails to consider there needs to be an extra effort when you’re more involved in a committed relationship than when it was mere dating.
You might need to speak about that fact and let him know if there are issues; he should communicate, which is the healthy thing to do in most unions.
Work is wearing him out
In some cases, there is an apparent reason that many mates overlook because they’re looking too hard for something wrong with the partnership. It could be a simple fact that he’s been working extended hours on a project that is wearing him out.
Companies often expect deadlines to be met with staff working around the clock to meet these expectations. That could leave little time for anything, including allowing a boyfriend to take his mate out.
He could very well come home and want to unwind with some TV or even a video game. If you haven’t seen your partner in a while and are missing him, it’s always possible to see if you can come by and enjoy a program or maybe play a game.
What can you do?
The key to any healthy couple succeeding is communication. If something is bothering either partner, a conversation needs to happen in an effort to resolve the issue. If the mate doesn’t want to discuss it, then you have a problem.
Without constructive communication, you have to wonder if a relationship is worth the effort, plus what is he hiding that he refuses to talk about openly. An apparent first assumption is there is an affair or that you are the affair. No one wants to be put in either position.
It’s fair to approach him with the conclusions you’ve come to and express the fact that the partnership cannot continue if one of these scenarios is accurate. Without an adequate response, your only recourse is to walk away from the union.
Final thought
When you provide ample opportunity to resolve an issue with a guy in the most constructive way that mates should work through problems, and they make no effort to try to participate, it speaks clearly of their lack of interest in the relationship.
Communication is a priority when things are not going well. When one person feels neglected somehow, there needs to be a conversation where each person offers valuable feedback.
If that doesn’t readily happen, a decision must be made if the boyfriend is genuinely someone worth keeping or a mate to leave. In most cases, a partner will readily know the answer to that question.
