Arguments are a natural and integral component of being a couple. It speaks of passion between two people, individualism, and the fact that you aren’t afraid to communicate. The problem is not having heated discussions, it’s how you do so and what happens in the aftermath.
If you find yourself wondering why your boyfriend ignores you for days or even a week after an argument, it’s important to go a step further to ask yourself how each of you handled the conflict. Even more, it’s time to look for other ways to stop arguing.
If your mate tends to withdraw, but you’re more gregarious, he could be off tending to wounds from what he might have perceived as a disrespectful altercation.
While “fighting” is expected in any healthy relationship, the priority is to stop the conversation from becoming personal or hurtful. That can be challenging when you’re angry, but censoring yourself is essential when it’s the person you love.
Otherwise, you find yourself in a situation where you’re stressed because you have a boyfriend who hasn’t talked to you in a week.
Why do guys go quiet after a fight?
Sometimes a man ignoring his partner after a fight is for entirely different reasons than what many mates might believe. Too often, we want to immediately blame ourselves, thinking that the guy will likely end things and find someone else.
When you consider the fact that if there is no contact after an argument, perhaps it’s wise to give him the benefit of the doubt in that. Maybe he feels bad for the role he played in the argument.
There might have been words said from anger that your partner wishes he could take back. Or he handled the situation in a way that he can’t quite figure out how to fix. Maybe, there’s some shame.
Or, the reverse is true, and he’s holding some hard feelings for things you might have said or done. It might not be that your partner wants to end the relationship. But he wants time to process the events, and make sense of it. Then figure out a way to resolve the issue so you can move forward healthfully.
Check out these reasons for what could be happening in his week of silence. So you can gain some insight into how you can approach the issue.
1. Caught up with other commitments
Consider what was happening in your boyfriend’s life at the time that the argument took place. Was something significant occurring with work or other commitments requiring attention in the coming weeks, maybe a major deadline or a family event?
There could be little time available to discuss what happened sufficiently, and he prefers to wait until you can sit down and communicate effectively to work through the issues you’re having. It’s wise not to jump to conclusions about his motives immediately.
2. Anger needs to subside
Each of you needs time to cool down, especially if this was the first major argument. While you might have had sufficient time to work through your side of things, your mate could still be reflecting on the issue. He could be attempting to come up with a positive solution that will be suitable for both of you and healthy for the partnership.
A significant other can feel that things will become nasty again if he gets in contact before he’s resolved stuff in his own mind, and he would probably be right.
Even though you’re ready, if your mate comes back in a similar mindset, he could say or do something to get you to strike up a fresh jab on the old argument, and the two of you will be fighting all over again.
Each of you must have sufficient time and space to work through the anger.
3. Are you ignoring him
Did you ever stop to think when you’re pondering, that your partner stopped talking to you for several days or let’s say a full week after a fight, that maybe he believes you’re the one not talking to him?
Sometimes, men are unaware of their partners’ seriousness in an argument or what goes through a mate’s mind in the aftermath.
That means while you’re putting yourself through this torture because your boyfriend hasn’t talked to you directly or by phone calls or texts for a week after an argument, he hasn’t a clue things are genuinely this bad.
The guy might be unsure how to approach the situation without knowing how you feel, especially if he has little experience with arguments.
Instead, avoiding the matter, hoping things work themselves out eventually, is his idea. At some point, there needs to be a conversation about healthy communication since issues will never resolve themselves, and partnerships cant blossom without that element.
Your boyfriend may be talking to friends instead of you, simply because you don’t realize that you also stopped talking to him suddenly.
4. The words hurt
When arguing with a mate, it’s essential to keep things as civil as possible. That’s tough since everyone is angry and says things they don’t mean out of anger.
But when it goes too far, and you disrespect or potentially emasculate your boyfriend, it can take time for him to simply bounce back from that hurt.
For one thing, mates want to believe their partner sees them in some capacity as their hero, the one that supports, cares for, and can protect them from the negativity and awfulness in the world.
When you diminish your significant other, those are words that don’t heal. They might eventually learn to deal with it because they love you and don’t want to lose you, but these kinds of words leave scars.
An argument of this sort is one when a partner will need space to attempt to recover. A week is probably not quite enough. Additionally, you need to avoid asking yourself many times a day how to know if he still loves you after that fight or not.
There are two people in a relationship. It takes two to make it work and two to break it down. If you fight with someone, each of you is involved in the issues that brought the argument.
In an effective resolution, you will look at your part and admit where you can improve and vice versa for your boyfriend. Neither of you is perfect. There is always something to work on to help the relationship progress forward positively and for the benefit of each person. In order for the fight to mean something, you have to learn from it.
What to do when a guy goes quiet after a fight
After gaining some insight into the reasons why a boyfriend will ignore you after a fight, you can then move forward into some constructive ways to handle the situation.
Again, just because you might be ready to move forward, you need to understand, your boyfriend might not be ready. If your partner is hurt or even angry, he might need a bit more time than you do.
While it’s okay to feel things out, it’s important not to rush it; allow your mate his space. Some things you can try after sufficient time has passed:
Set up a conversation date
At the moment, texts and calls on WhatsApp or other apps are easy for your significant other to ignore. Send an invitation to meet for coffee so you can personally meet to have a conversation.
You might have to send a mutual friend to do the invite since your forms of communication are not working unless you physically mail an invitation which might actually be a nice touch.
Meeting face to face is the ideal step after a major fight. Nothing beats the sincerity of looking directly into someone’s eyes when you speak to them or actively listening when they have something to say.
Body language speaks volumes in itself, exposing the vulnerability lacking in the chill of a text. Choosing a public place is strategic because it disallows the continuation of an argument since no one wants to create a public spectacle.
Respect his time
You might have come to terms with the argument and be ready to progress to the next step. But your boyfriend is not talking to you after a fight for a reason. He’s not ready.
It’s something that requires respect and patience on your part. Sometimes it’s necessary to have space to figure out what went wrong. Consider the issues, and see if there is a resolution and what that might be.
Each of you needs to come to a place of peace and calm so that when you do come back together, you rationally have a conversation without striking up another argument.
While you might not want to prolong your time apart, it’s not your call unless it becomes unreasonable. At that point is when you can request a meetup.
- Read on: Do men like texts every day?
Set boundaries for effective communication
In order to develop effective communication, there have to be healthy boundaries for the two of you so that each person feels heard respectfully and solutions are reached to the satisfaction of both partners. When you decide to come together, you should agree to:
- Speak civilly: There should be no jabs or reminders from the fight since the idea is to fix the issues.
- Single issues: Generally, fights can snowball out of control, with each person throwing out things that have been bothering them over the entire course of the relationship. When attempting to make amends, it’s vital to look at the problems only one at a time, fix that, and then move on when satisfied.
- Agree: Do you want to make it right? If either of you come together with ill intentions, more hoping to continue the fight than to fix the issues, you should avoid meeting. It would be best if you made sure that each of you was on the same page before agreeing to have a discussion.
Communication is the primary component of an evolving relationship meant for long-term success. When done correctly, you’ll still bicker and argue – that’s normal but disrespectful, nasty fights will be less prevalent.
When you hurt someone’s pride or emasculate a man, that’s a hurt that’s challenging for that person to heal. A fight that goes to the extent of that kind of disrespect has actually gone too far. So, it’s not a surprise that there are no contacts after each argument.
In every relationship, partners look to the other person as their own personal hero. The person who stands in the way of adversity, supports their goals, and praises their accomplishments.
When they feel diminished, it’s the worst kind of letdown they can experience. In order to attempt to fix what is broken, you’ll need to rebuild the confidence you took. That is if the guy lets you.
That takes baby steps like maybe reaching out for help so your mate can once again feel useful and then expressing appreciation plus boasting about what he’s done to everyone in your close circle. Keep in mind that a 3-day rule or so after an argument may not work for everyone. So it’s better to reach out to your boyfriend and see what’s happening over texts, Facebook messages, phone calls, or even directly.
Say you’re sorry
It takes two to fight and to create the issues that led to the fight. Each person needs to apologize. Sometimes when you notice that your boyfriend stops talking to you for days after each argument, it’s because he’s afraid getting back in contact will lead to more arguing.
It’s vital to ensure that you’re calm and own the issues that are yours in the partnership when you reach out. When you show a willingness to apologize and discuss the problems, it opens the path for a healthy conversation.
Your boyfriend will likely be more anxious to meet under these circumstances, and the relationship can then progress forward on a much healthier note.
When a boyfriend is not talking after a fight, it’s essential to assess the issues discussed in the argument and how they were presented. It’s tough to attempt to censor when angry. Words slip out.
Unfortunately, disrespect and diminishing someone’s character can do damage that’s difficult to repair. We have to remember who we’re talking to.
If it’s someone you love, do you want them to experience pain or upset from something you say? Wounds heal, but words stay in our hearts forever.