When you find that you’re arguing with your boyfriend every day, the topic that’s coming up is not necessarily the root of the problem. Typically, there is an underlying cause why you’re lashing out.
In almost every situation, people will react with the person they feel the closest to. Or those they love the most will get the brunt of their frustrations even if that mate has nothing at all to do with the cause of the aggravation.
If you find you’re fighting with your partner each day about something, it’s time to self-assess to learn what’s triggering you.
When you can make that determination, the ideas come more readily about how you can potentially avoid the conflict. Then, possibly keep emotions in check instead of lashing out at your mate.
Sometimes triggers come from a reminder of an unpleasant past circumstance, or perhaps you’re simply having a bad day. Your mate even speaking to you about what might be for dinner results in that extra bit of pressure that pushes you right over the edge.
What coping skills can you use to stop arguing with your boyfriend each day? Let’s find out.
How to stop fighting with your partner
It is possible to step away from patterns you find yourself in. But first, you have to recognize these. If you see that you’re arguing relentlessly with your boyfriend each day, that can develop into an unhealthy habit that needs to be addressed.
That’s particularly true if the circumstances are not always related to something your boyfriend is responsible for. It happens that you always fight, but you love each other. Perhaps there’s an underlying issue or a root to the problem that is causing you to lash out at your boyfriend because he’s a safe person to take your stressors out on.
Your thought process is he is a constant despite your emotional outbursts. But even a partner can grow tired of being a punching bag. It’s vital to find a way to cope with anger or frustration much more healthfully.
Check out a few ways you can attempt to stop arguing with your mate on an everyday basis, even over small things, and make the relationship stronger.
Change your thought process
Perhaps, you might have experienced negativity in either a past relationship or even a familial situation causing you to view the negative in favor of the positive in any given circumstance.
For instance, if a mate takes out the trash but forgets to fit the pail up with a new bag, you will focus on there being no new bag in the receptacle instead of the fact that the trash has been emptied.
There’s a deep-seated inner voice alerting you to the potential for pain and hurt and preparing you for this instead of allowing you to see there is a good side. So it’s unlikely there will be dire repercussions from your interaction.
In other words, you don’t need to lash out first just in case something terrible happens. Develop a positive mindset that everything’s great, and it will continue to be with nothing awful in the forecast. That doesn’t mean there will never be disagreements or conflict but avoid anticipating it.
Avoid emotional outbursts
When a disagreement turns into an argument, these are natural and healthy in every partnership. No one should internalize or allow upset to fester unresolved. It’s also not wise to react immediately, particularly if you know your reaction will be emotionally based.
The best thing to do is to have a signal or a keyword to let your partner know that you do want the dialogue to happen. But this isn’t the time nor the space for the conversation.
That will tell your boyfriend that the topic emotionally charges you. Any discussion will result in a potentially heated debate that could result in a battle instead of healthy, constructive communication.
Once you make an effort to calm down, thoughts come more rationally, allowing you to see your mate’s perspective more readily and helping you to reach a level of compromise on the issue instead of standing staunch on feelings with no authentic basis.
Becoming receptive and removing the defense mechanism
When approached in conflict, an immediate response is to react, defend oneself, and then possibly attack back.
When taking the necessary time and space or stepping away from the situation in order to regain control of thoughts and feelings, you can let go of the defensiveness to become more receptive to what a partner has to offer in the conversation.
There is a level of empathy, if you will, a desire to pay attention or listen and try to comprehend what the mate is trying to express, even if it’s negative thinking. When your thoughts are consumed with defending your thoughts and actions, there’s no room to “hear” what the other person is attempting to present or decipher the meaning behind their words.
All that translates in a defensive mind deems as an attack; words meant to hurt or continue with the conflict, an instigation to keep fighting. Defensiveness distorts reality.
When you walk away from a conflict to collect yourself, the defensiveness can release, and you can allow receptiveness. You can actually listen and pay attention to what your boyfriend has to say with forethought into their side of the situation and how they view it.
The greater your ability to let go of defending yourself, the more opportunity to connect with your partner. In this way, you’re not pushing your mate away but instead trying to find a way to bring each other closer and resolve the problem healthfully. That’s how you can end an argument without apologizing.
Hold off on your piece of the puzzle for a moment
In the heat of a moment, that is often the least likely time that a couple will come to a solution for the problem. It is the ideal time to tell a mate that you care more about them and the partnership than you do “winning” in the disagreement.
That means holding off on your side of the conflict for a moment and focusing on their stance.
That allows a level of vulnerability that only a partner can appreciate and will, in most cases, soften the “heat” of the conflict, taking the mate’s “guard” down and allowing each person to interact more constructively.
Dealing with arguing with a boyfriend more constructively
None of these techniques mean that you shouldn’t feel your emotions. The priority is not to squash your feelings or internalize them to the point they fester, turning into resentment for the other person. You have to feel what your mind and body are experiencing. The choice then is how we react to those emotions.
Primarily, you can either choose to argue emotionally, lashing out erratically with no clear vision as to the goal of the conflict or what you hope to achieve. Or, you can approach your mate when you understand (first) why you’re upset, what’s triggered the anger, and if your boyfriend is genuinely the root of the problem.
Suppose there is a problem with your partner, or perhaps something is wrong within the relationship. In that case, the approach needs to be one of a calm demeanor, willing to listen and hear what the other person has to say, striving to work together to find the ideal solution and compromise.
There’s no room for partners to approach each other with criticism or defensiveness in a healthy, strong relationship.
A partner should be revered as someone you love, care for, and respect, not a person you should automatically think of in terms as an opponent or adversary with the need to always be prepared for conflict. That sort of relationship would be tough to sustain, nor should you want to.
As a mate, you believe you can lash out at a boyfriend or partner even daily without any sort of negative repercussions because this person will remain a constant regardless of the emotional upheaval you lay on them. That isn’t necessarily the case.
While we do tend to “hurt the ones we love the most” because our mindset is that these people won’t walk away from us, even partners have a breaking point when it comes to fighting constantly.
It’s vital to take a step back when you find yourself plaguing your partner with emotional outbursts on the regular and instead collect your thoughts so you can approach your boyfriend with the intention of listening to what he has to offer to the conversation.
That’s not saying any one person is right or wrong; it’s implying that each has a contribution to make. Both individuals should be heard in an effort to establish mutual satisfaction and ensure all needs are met to result in a healthy, strong partnership.
Without shared, respectful, calm, constructive communication, relationships can’t thrive because solutions are always out of reach in favor of tempers flaring. You and your boyfriend can make a healthy choice to stop trying to win against each other or eventually lose the battle altogether.