Being lonely for both women and men is automatically considered the norm when you’re single and . . . alone. That doesn’t have to be the course of your life. Still, there are moments when it can be the reality regardless of your preference for being a singleton.
You can be busy virtually every moment with activities, work, or even casually involved in dating. However, to think there will never be quiet times when loneliness sets in would be fooling yourself. That doesn’t mean you should allow it to consume you, either.
Simply because you date someone exclusively or become involved in a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t ever experience loneliness to some degree.
Feeling single and being sad when you have no girlfriend, boyfriend, or because you’re missing your ex-husband or wife is not that tragic. The idea is to find healthy ways to cope when the emotion strikes. Most certainly, that includes practicing gratitude for those things that make you happy and give you joy. Let’s look at how you can avoid those moments of feeling lonely as a singleton.
How to overcome loneliness when you’re single
You can have the busiest life full of work, outside interests, fulfilling hobbies, and a thriving social circle but still run into moments of solitude that bring loneliness. Those times can be a struggle. But that’s true even for individuals involved in a couplehood.
Loneliness in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s and older is not exclusive to the singletons. You can date casually or even be exclusive with someone and still experience bouts of loneliness, especially when having a crush on a person through social media or dating apps.
The idea is to look for the most healthy ways to work through those times. So find things to effectively navigate to avoid the potential for future episodes. Check out a few tips on ways to cope when these moments strike.
1. Recognize that your situation isn’t as bad as you might believe it to be
When people feel lonely, personal situations seem at their worst, almost like life could be better. It’s at those moments when you need to consider the good things happening in your life, sort of look at what you have to be grateful for.
Life can be exceptionally troubling if you think about how some individuals struggle.
Feeling lonely without a partner is not the end of the world. In fact, when you look at the things that are going well for you, somehow, those moments of solitude don’t look quite so awful, especially if you have close friends and family with whom you can turn as a support system if there’s a need. Plus, you likely have a career that fulfills you and a future that stokes your passion.
Perhaps you have an occasional date when you have the time since your schedule is usually quite full. Many people would choose to be thankful and take the quiet moments to enjoy calm activities like a soaking bath, reading a book, or even meditating instead of focusing on being alone.
2. Hard times are temporary and will make you stronger
Sometimes working through loneliness is a challenge depending on the reason for the emotion. Perhaps it’s the result of a long-term relationship coming to an end. Maybe you’ve never been on your own and are unsure how to do that. Or perhaps you’ve experienced a traumatic loss.
While you likely have a support system in friends and family, there will still be moments when you’re left to quiet moments alone. It won’t seem like it at the time, but as the days pass, you will begin to grow more at ease with the situation. You don’t need to be addicted to Instagram or social media to express your feelings or spend all day sending messages and even arguing with your ex-partner. Life is not that hard.
You’ll start to learn how to be alone with no partner and even no friends maneuvering the daily trials as they pop up instead of attempting to handle the entire situation at once.
Not many people are fond of change, but this makes us stronger. Loss is nothing short of heartbreak. But when you allow the grief process, you ultimately reach the point of acceptance and can move forward.
That doesn’t mean loneliness won’t crop up, but you’ll eventually learn to cope by filling those moments with activities. That’s a lot better than struggling with all the psychological effects of being single for too long, no matter if you have close friends or not.
3. Don’t be lonely
Loneliness isn’t fun; no one wants to feel sad or alone. The suggestion is don’t be. When you become lonely, do something about it. Pick yourself up and find something to do. You don’t have to merely sit there by yourself and mope. That’s sort of like self-pity; it’s not productive.
Instead of feeling sad about being single, think of someone who might not be busy. Then, give loved ones or friends a call, and see if they want a coffee. You can either meet them out or have them over and make a pot. Or you can go on an impulsive shopping spree.
That is if you have a bit of spare cash that you can spend on yourself for fun. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just enough to act as a pick-me-up.
If you have family nearby, ask a sibling or a parent out for dinner to catch up on things. If you don’t have anyone close, or no specific support system, go next door and ask a neighbor if they have any plans. Perhaps they’re lonely too.
4. Loneliness is normal
There’s nothing unnatural about occasionally being lonely or feeling bored. That’s essentially what the emotions boil down to. You have nothing to do, no one to see, and feel alone.
Everyone experiences these feelings at one point or another. Sometimes you need to allow yourself to feel the emotions and recognize it’s normal to be lonely sometimes without your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Not every moment of every day needs to be jam-packed with activities or people or busy with work. It’s okay to have nothing to do and nowhere to be, just enjoying the quiet solitude of your own thoughts.
Some people like to take advantage of these opportunities to actually get lost in their thoughts with meditation. It’s a very calming, relaxing way to soothe the mind plus the body and spirit.
Any time you find yourself in a lonely situation, take advantage of the time to engage with your thoughts. It can be gratifying. Meditation takes practice, so you might need to start with guided meditation, but it should make you look forward to those solitary times.
That’s how you can overcome loneliness without your friends. Just take action, believe in yourself, and always make a goal for your life.
5. Loneliness can make you appreciate being in love
If you go through a breakup and find yourself alone for the first time in a long time, or perhaps you’ve never been on your own, the loneliness can be somewhat debilitating.
You will begin to wish you had a serious relationship again. You mustn’t rush into a rebound, love. But when you do meet the right person, these moments will make you appreciate the experience that much more.
The notion of finding a new love and feeling those feelings again can actually motivate you. It will help you to navigate those moments of solitude by convincing you to get out to socialize more often.
You might not have been available for single friends for a long time when you were with your partner for so long, but now you can reconnect and enjoy their company again.
Plus, friends, co-workers, and even family love to fix people up with other friends. So the likelihood of having many lonely moments is minimal when you’re fresh out of a partnership. You’ll probably look forward to a few quiet moments alone.
When you feel lonely without your boyfriend, there are many activities you can do, so appreciate your life. Once you find someone you’re attracted to, try to make him stop dating girls and build a strong relationship with him.
6. This is where you need to be at this moment
For someone experiencing any sort of trauma or loss, generally, being alone is the preference. It is lonely, quiet, and very sad, but it’s where you need to be at the moment. When you feel ready, you’ll reach out to those you want to bring into that circle. But for now, it’s okay to wallow in solitude.
You don’t want to isolate for an extended period, however. Your health will depend on letting go of the negative and bringing life back in. There can be a silver lining in all situations; it’s only a matter of finding that sliver. Locating it will help you get to the other side, the brighter side of things.
Sometimes, trying to find the positive takes some outside assistance, professional counseling, especially when a loss is exceptionally traumatic. That’s okay to reach out for help.
These individuals can often help us to see the perspective the loss is blinding us from finding, keeping us down in the loneliness and sorrow. It’s the first step in navigating the emotion.
Conclusion
How do you not feel lonely when single? You do. There’s no getting around feeling lonely. It’s a normal, natural part of life for everyone; even people in relationships experience loneliness at one point or another.
What can you do to cope with it? That’s a matter of personal preference in reality. In those moments of solitude, busy your thoughts. One ideal solution is meditation. It’s soothing and relaxing and helps the mind, body, and spirit to destress. That’s merely one solution.
You can do so many activities with no cost involved when alone and feeling down; you just need to be creative and put forth the additional effort instead of wallowing in your predicament.
A priority is finding gratitude for the good in your life, feeling blessed. Everyone has something to be thankful for to keep the negativity at bay.
