Once an exclusive couple becomes comfortable and familiar, it’s natural for complacency to set in. The advice is always to make an added effort, put in the necessary work you did while you were casually dating.
These are the same suggestions a spouse is given when wondering how to get their husband back after things become dull.
Why did he “go away?” In all probability, the love is still there, just as strong, if not more so, with each passing day. It’s evolving where you could see a lesser view of the passion and intensity you once knew replaced with a more sedate but still content love.
For you, though, it feels like he’s lost interest. All you see is a shell of the person where there was once a lively human being dwelling. There’s no conversation, no interaction, little affection, hardly any attention of any kind, like he doesn’t even notice you’re in the room. How do you work to get that back? Let’s figure that out.
How to make your partner notice you
The priority when you feel your husband isn’t noticing you is to remember that this is a together problem. The romance and excitement felt in the dating, and beginning stages of the marriage were an equal partner effort. It takes two then to maintain that intensity. If each of you grows complacent, the passion will fade, making the spark fizzle.
That doesn’t mean your husband is no longer happy with you or that he doesn’t love you anymore. It means he sees you no longer trying and feels he doesn’t need to either.
A vital component to making changes is determining the underlying cause for your feeling unnoticed or as though you’re receiving less attention, alienated maybe. In order to do that, you’ll need to look inward as well to see where you might be lacking in effort.
Have you spoken with your husband about how you feel? Open communication is a first step, always. Check out A few ways you can get a husband to pay more attention to you and the marriage.
Dress to impress
In the day-to-day scenario, many people now work remotely, making their wardrobe much more relaxed or comfortable instead of being concerned about appeal or style.
That means one or even both partners are taking less care of their appearance as they spend a majority of the week in the home with work, errands, chores, and overall responsibilities.
A suggestion for those who work from home is to establish a work wardrobe and a disciplined routine developed as you had when you were leaving the house for the job.
It doesn’t have to be business suits or formal wear, but no pajamas or sweat suits and no unwashed hair that hasn’t been combed in days.
It means getting up for work on a standard schedule, 6 am maybe, showering, getting groomed, dressed including shoes or at least some sort of comfortable slipper, and heading to an area of the home designated as office space.
When you take breaks, go outside, and enjoy lunch either outdoors or in the kitchen. Then when you get off, celebrate with your husband, looking stylish from your day at work.
It will make a world of difference not only for your husband but for you. When you feel better, he will notice. He might even start to dress up, comb his hair.
Schedule time away from home
In that same vein, plan time off to go on adventures away from the house, especially if either of you works from the home. It can be simply a day trip or a weekend getaway, or even a couple of hour road trip. The idea is to be spontaneous, similar to the way you might have been when you were dating.
One of the best ways to do this is to get an atlas or even a local map and a pendulum or simply close your eyes and point to a spot to determine where you might want to go. When you discover the city, research to see what might be a good landmark to visit and head out on your excursion.
It’s wise to designate a fund in your monthly budget specifically for your travels so you can enjoy this routinely. It doesn’t have to be overly expensive.
You can pack up lunches, account for souvenirs, and, of course, plan on the most significant expense being gas money. Your spouse will love the impulsiveness and probably look forward to picking the places, with half the fun being the excitement of getting there.
Show appreciation and gratitude
Many people are so busy. Each partner in a couplehood or marriage works tirelessly to accomplish career goals, handle household responsibilities, or manage families. The presumption is you do what you need to do without really considering there should be appreciation, respect, and gratitude showered upon you for those efforts.
That is, in fact, the case, however. No one should be taken for granted, least of all a husband, notably if he outperforms. Too often, we become – perhaps, accustomed is not the right word.
Maybe we develop a certain predictability where our spouses are concerned, in that the valuable efforts they put forth are something they’re supposed to do, considering what we have to do.
If the guy were approached with a “thank you” and had a celebration of his perfection, the man would start to notice you in return. People are generally complimentary creatures but are also afraid of judgment if they allow themselves to be that vulnerable.
When you express yourself openly with compliments and appreciation, he’ll feel he’s free to then do the same. If it’s hard for you to be vulnerable too, write a small note or card, or give him a gesture to show your appreciation. Then maybe when you get him a glass of water, you’ll get flowers.
Spend less time together
That might sound ridiculous when you’re attempting to get your husband to notice you and pay more attention to you. Still, you could be seeing each other far too much.
That can absolutely lead to complacency, a rut, boredom, and a sense of needing to get away from each other. Every couple, even marrieds, needs their independent time. It’s unwise to spend every waking moment with each other.
One suggestion is to encourage your spouse to take an evening each week to go out with his friends. If he doesn’t have many friends because you were spending all your time together, he could start a hobby or sign up for a class where he would be able to establish a friendship or two. He could even reach out to a colleague from work if that’s appropriate.
You can also surprise him by reaching out to close friends he had before you got married and have them contact him. If they’re still close, invite them over or give them your husband’s number to connect with him.
One or two evenings each week, you should plan to do things that interest you. The time apart will be good for the partnership. It will allow you to miss each other and, in turn, your spouse will begin to notice you again.
Compromise and communication are key
Conflict resolution is essential if you want a marriage to thrive. There will be arguments, even fights, in any relationship. It’s natural and expected. That’s not the issue or reason a spouse would stop loving you or drift away from paying attention to you.
The problem if that’s happening is how the conflicts are resolved or left without a solution. If there is a lack of respect with the disagreements, criticism, put-downs, and lots of complaining, and it remains like that, it would be disheartening for a man, pushing him away a little bit each time.
There’s a sort of art, if you will, to having a disagreement that involves leaving emotion at the door and approaching each other with a calm demeanor, respect in your tone, and compromise as your intention.
For any mistakes you’re accountable for, you own these and apologize without question. When there are differences of opinion on a subject, it’s okay that you agree to disagree on any topic. A priority is for the two of you to compromise and then move forward.
These are healthy ways to approach conflict, methods that show respect to your husband and yourself. It’s not diminishing or demeaning, and he will love you for it.
Love and marriage take a concerted effort that doesn’t stop simply because you get married, and the years begin accumulating. When you see a history developing, that means you start trying harder.
Complacency is oh so easy and tempting, especially since the work can be exhausting. Don’t give in to it. When love is solid and authentic, the work won’t seem like an effort; it will come naturally with each spouse playing their part.