Regardless of how long you’ve been dating someone or if you’re in an exclusive, committed relationship, being cheated on is heartbreaking. It diminishes self-esteem, makes you question your self-worth, and smashes confidence.
In those instances when you’re feeling devalued, you might find it apropos to confront the cheater, address the indiscretion via text. That saves a face-to-face confrontation that can be uncomfortable when you feel less than confident.
The problem with texting is the cheater in this scenario has it so easy when all they need to endure is a text message, particularly if the intention is to break up.
How can you use text to confront a cheater – by requesting in a message that they meet you for coffee because you have something to discuss with them in person?
According to statistics, many men and women cheat, but what do their partners do about it? Let’s look at healthy ways to handle the circumstances when you find out your significant other is cheating.
How do you confront a cheating partner over text?
A devastating situation for anyone in a partnership is the moment you find out your partner has been cheating. The consequences span far greater than merely the potential of losing a relationship.
These incidents leave an individual feeling less than their worth, an instant loss of confidence and self-esteem, as though you weren’t good enough for someone to remain faithful, trustworthy, and loyal.
Instead, they needed to create this lie of a partnership which you now question its purpose. Fortunately, when it comes to your attention that a mate is cheating, you don’t need to react immediately, and it’s better that you avoid doing so since all of these emotions are damaging your thought process.
It’s wise to allow time to collect your thoughts and reassess your emotions to rationalize that your partner’s decisions do not affect your value as a human being.
Infidelity is a complex situation happening for varied reasons, sometimes with no realization that it could in any way affect a primary relationship.
People who cheat don’t always believe their behavior is considered cheating and often mean no specific ill intention behind the behavior, although they avoid mentioning it to their partner.
Indiscretions don’t have to indicate the end of a partnership, but there does need to be a confrontation in person, not via text. Text is impersonal and disallows being able to see the reactions and hear the tone of voice for yourself.
Check out a few things you should do in a face-to-face confrontation regarding cheating.
Control your emotion
Upon the initial realization that your partner is cheating, there will be much emotion and a desire to react out of that emotion. Still, nothing can be accomplished when two people are irrational or perhaps impulsive.
Instead, it’s better to reach out to a confidant, not a mutual friend, but a trusted, close personal friend to have the initial discussion. When you have your thoughts together and can carry out a calm conversation, choose to meet your partner in a public setting so things can remain cool.
Drive separately and keep it brief for the first discussion. If you live together, you should take a bag of a few things so that the mate can stay with someone instead of returning to your shared space.
Carry out your thoughts in a straightforward and direct way
Don’t wait on your partner to confess or attempt to manipulate a confession. You already know, so there’s no need for games. The idea is to explain what you know straightforwardly and directly with no hesitation.
Let your partner know that the infidelity has to stop immediately and that you expect there will be a longer conversation with answers readily provided.
No one should find out what’s happening in the mutual family or friend social group. That can be exceptionally uncomfortable if the two of you work through things and decide to stay together.
Too often, meaning well, people voice their judgments, concerns, and opinions whether you want them or not.
This is another reason why texting is not a good idea. You don’t want there to be things on your partner’s phone that someone else might be privy to. All conversations regarding this serious business need to be in person.
Assess the overall partnership
When you find out about a significant other cheating in the relationship, it’s time to take an honest look at the couplehood before deciding what you will do next.
Usually, if someone sees other people at the start of dating, you’re still in the casual stage, not yet exclusive, so dating other people should still be okay.
That is unless there was a discussion on remaining monogamous, but the individual is out with other people. In that case, it’s probably better to move on.
For those in a long-term, committed partnership or a marriage with kids, the two of you have invested a great deal, meaning it’s not so easy to merely move on. In fact, that should be the last choice, except in the instance cheating is a regular occurrence.
One thing to be mindful of, problems in a committed partnership don’t happen because of one person. It takes two people to create that atmosphere. Cheating usually occurs because the partner does not feel their worth or have a sense of being neglected.
That isn’t excusing infidelity, merely explaining it as one of the symptoms of the problems in the relationship. What needs to happen is to determine the root cause of the issues and fix those, so things like cheating don’t feel like an answer.
Communication is a key
In that same vein, infidelity might be a symptom of a more significant problem that needs resolving; however, communication is the key to a thriving partnership.
If a significant other has issues of not feeling valued or being mistreated, it’s important to open that dialog. No one can read anyone’s mind. Without talking through the problems being experienced, these can’t be fixed.
As the partner, you should also pick up on red flags along the way. When someone is not feeling good about themself in a relationship, it’s evident in their day-to-day behavior. If you didn’t see it, you weren’t paying close enough attention.
That’s easy enough done. People’s lives are hectic. Still, suppose you don’t have time to meet the needs of a significant other or attempt to make them feel valued or even happy.
In that case, you might want to reassess your priorities so that you can do these things to avoid losing the person or determine that maybe continuing in a relationship isn’t the best thing for you.
Since your partner took things into their hands by having an affair, your hand is now forced.
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What to do next
The decision is not just yours alone though it might seem that way. Again, an underlying problem created the situation, most likely in many cases. Usually happy, content, satisfied individuals don’t tend to stray unless it’s habitual for them, and then you’ll know precisely what to do.
If you find out your partner has cheated and you’re in an exclusive couplehood that you’ve invested much of yourself into, you probably don’t want to give up without determining the circumstances.
Cheating is a complex issue that requires much discussion, not something you can resolve with mere texting, and you shouldn’t try to do so.
You should message your mate to meet you so you can talk in person minus a lot of emotion or game playing. In this way, you can touch on the issues pointedly, so the person realizes you know the truth.
Now it’s time to stop the behavior and find a way to resolve the problems in the couplehood or end the partnership.
If the two of you decide not to give up but instead to try to work through the problems, reaching out to a third party is wise. The professional can direct you on constructive communication techniques that will be helpful instead of doing more harm.
The expert can also offer tools meant to highlight where needs are not being met and how to get them back on track. Further, the therapist will counsel the two of you through the trauma of an affair and show you how to cope with the emotional turmoil it brought to your life.
The suggestion is that couples who survive infidelity come back much stronger, more content, and love each other more throughout the remainder of their married life because of all they learn from the experience.
That doesn’t mean rushing out and having an affair. What’s much more productive is paying close attention to the other person each day and checking with them every so often to ensure they’re good, even just asking them the question, “are you good.”
That opens the dialog allowing for vulnerability so the two of you can discuss, face-to-face, not by text, anything that’s not working well for you, like the fact that texting in serious situations is impersonal, cold, and a dealbreaker.
A partner should always have the benefit of in-person discussions. If you feel like texting, the relationship isn’t that serious, so it should be easy to let go. Simple as that.