With all breakups, there’s a healing period each person goes through that differs for everyone. During that time, it’s challenging to stick to the “no contact” guidelines, making the process more complicated, especially when text is so easy.
The thought process often is that a simple “I miss you” message might be worthwhile in establishing a connection so the two of you could perhaps consider a chat.
Emotional messages to a boyfriend when you’re missing him, especially if it’s relatively soon after the breakup, can sometimes push a mate away if he’s requested some space or alone time.
You’ll be infringing on this, which can look like disrespect regardless of your intention or the message you hope to send.
If you miss your ex and hope to find a way to get back in contact, let’s look at some tips meant to do so without stepping all over your former partner’s respect boundaries.
Expressing your sentiments to your boyfriend through messages
If you do miss your ex, expressing those sentiments might make a boyfriend somewhat uncomfortable, particularly if you’ve only recently broken up.
That doesn’t mean you can’t reach out or find a way to connect. But perhaps do so in a more subtle way that doesn’t infringe on the space that the guy might have requested.
Sometimes a step away from a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean a finale to the partnership. It can be just a time to gather thoughts and refresh. Then, see if this is really the right relationship for them.
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Allowing them the space to do that is crucial if there’s hope for rekindling in the end. There are still ways to reach out without the usual “I miss you” texts that put your boyfriend in an awkward spot.
Let’s look at some less invasive approaches when the idea is to have no contact during the healing phase.
Consider an excuse for needing to reach out to your former boyfriend
Generally, in the lonely moments, you’ll want to send out one of the popular “I miss you texts” with the hope that the former mate will respond by initiating a conversation.
This usually occurs late in the evening when an ex is often not anticipating a message from you, putting them in a tough situation.
Sometimes it can do the opposite of what you hope, pushing a partner further away if it comes across as desperate or needy.
Instead, consider methods for reaching out that won’t appear intrusive to your boyfriend, perhaps legitimate or even warranted, reasons that will make sense to the guy. That can help you to establish an excuse that sounds reasonable.
Any occasion that means something to both of you, like a close friend or family member’s birthday, is an ideal reason to get in touch with a mate.
During that talk, you’ll get a sense if the man wants to pursue a conversation on the partnership or would rather not broach it. Follow his lead to avoid pushing.
Present a cool and collected demeanor
You do, of course, miss your boyfriend but they already know that. It’s not something they need to hear right now, especially when they’re trying to clear their head to decide if the partnership is what they genuinely want.
They don’t want to feel guilty or be prodded back into the relationship. Generally, a former boyfriend will still care, not wanting to see you feeling sad, lonely, or hurt. But you don’t want him to come back out of obligation.
It’s better to keep the emotional component out of the mix, instead, opting to be cool when approaching the conversation. Simply start by letting your ex know you thought of him when you did a specific activity that day and wanted to share the details because you thought he might find it funny.
That can get a conversation started where you can then reminisce for a bit on good times together.
Take it to the bottom line rather quickly
An ex won’t want a long, drawn-out story as to why you felt the need to contact them. That’s valid, especially if the agreement was that there would be none.
If he requested some personal space, alone time, or the opportunity to work through his feelings for a while, he most likely anticipates that you will respect his wishes.
That means if you feel the need to break the contact guidelines, you should be prepared to be direct with your intention. Plus, adequate time should have passed before you make this move.
It shouldn’t be soon after, allowing little time and space for the man even to have an opportunity to make any concrete revelations yet.
That can put a real kink in your agenda, particularly if your goal is to find out if the guy still has feelings for you or wants to meet for a coffee to discuss the relationship. It’s better to avoid pouring emotional verbiage into the conversation concerning how you feel and what you hope for.
Again, that’s the best way to push a man further away and make him want to avoid any future conversations.
Take a hint and move forward
When you attempt to contact your ex and find that the response time is extended or the message you receive is less than favorable, it could be he’s not ready for interaction yet. That’s an indication to avoid pushing him.
That means not inundating him with a mound of texts or calls or finding ways to come in contact with him to force a conversation.
If getting an ex to interact with you requires this sort of struggle, it should tell you it’s not meant to be at this point. You might miss what the two of you had while you were together. But it’s essential to accept that your partner is attempting to move forward healthfully, and you will need to find a way to do so as well.
A harsh fact in all of this is your ex might not miss you or want to rekindle the partnership. That means you’ll need to experience the loss and begin to heal, avoiding becoming the clingy, desperate ex.
Take a guarded approach but considerate and kind
When an ex-partner decides to take a call or even meet up for a coffee, make sure to take a somewhat guarded approach without any assumptions that anything will come of this except a get-together between two friends.
That could very well be your former boyfriend’s intention. If you know you’ll want more than that from the experience, make sure when you message with the invitation that you allude to that fact by expressing that you want to discuss where things stand so he’s prepared. Again, keep your feelings protected. You don’t want to be hurt again.
Make sure you’re careful with the discussion, feeling out where his feelings are before you show your hand entirely. He will already know the intention of the setup and will probably choose to play coy.
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Show him kindness and a sweet attitude toward the partnership. But don’t divulge deep feelings primarily because a mate won’t be prepared for that at this stage.
This is merely a first step, baby steps. It’s not conclusive that the guy wants to rekindle the relationship. But it’s a good sign if he chooses to meet you.
That means he’s had sufficient time to consider his feelings and has established a general idea of where he stands with the partnership. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be pleased with the end result. He could be meeting to let you down.
Either way, you’ll have a definitive answer and can move toward closure and healing.
Other tips
Emotional messages when you miss a boyfriend are often not received well. A boyfriend knows you miss him when the two of you are apart or go through a breakup. Texts reiterating these facts appear clingy.
The ideal sort of messages to send are those that don’t carry a great deal of emotion. Instead, these are cool, calm, and collected with an almost ulterior motive for reaching out like it’s an afterthought for you. This way, he doesn’t feel like you’re counting the minutes to hear back from him.
The man wants to know that you have your own life and independence apart from him and can function adequately without constant communication or interaction.
And if there’s a breakup, he needs to know you can move forward proactively without needing contact to help you heal. It doesn’t always mean you won’t rekindle at some point, but he needs to know you’ll be fine either way.
Emotions are somewhat bittersweet. In the proper context, they’re essential for a relationship to be healthy, but they have their time and place. When they’re ill-placed or erratic, they can push people away or make the sender of the messages appear desperate and needy.
Read next: What happens when you don’t text a guy back?
Conclusion
Appearing “emotional” to an ex or a partner who is away for a period, maybe long distance, or even continually uttering the phrase that you “miss them” can be taxing on the guy, possibly pushing them away.
It’s essential to not look at relationships as your priority but create a better sense of self. That will not only bring a greater degree of joy to your life but will change the way partners view you.
When you’re happy within, everyone around you catches that vibe and wants to be around it. If a partner needs time and space, take some for yourself too. Maybe it’ll work out better for both of you.
