People who have fine-tuned the skill of actively listening and were gifted an enormous amount of empathy tend to fall victim to individuals with no one else to talk to.
Unfortunately, the problem with people with few other people in their lives to discuss issues with is when they do find someone who will listen, they dump – everything about themselves into your lap each time you have a conversation.
On the one hand, it’s a compliment to know that someone finds complete trust in you and likes you to the point of wanting to share intimate details of their life. It can also make people feel a little bit uncomfortable depending on how much the individual opts to share.
But when you find someone who pays attention, something you’re not used to, it’s uplifting and freeing to be able to vent in such a way.
Needless to say, we could all be guilty of talking too much if given a moment to think about it. When anyone sits down and gives a person the time of day, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and rattle on without a second thought.
But what do you do if you’re not much of a chatterbox and have a friend who talks to you endlessly? That’s tough because if they weren’t around, truth be told, you would likely miss them. Let’s learn how to be gentle in your approach to quiet things down.
Dealing with a person who talks a lot
When you have an empathetic ear, tending to take time to pay attention when someone has a problem, often people who talk a lot will draw to you. That’s usually because these individuals don’t have many people in their life they can talk with.
When you open yourself up, they probably like having someone who will listen; it feels good. Of course, there isn’t always a specific reason why someone becomes overly chatty in every conversation.
Maybe it only happens when they’re with you. That could be because you allow the individual to be authentic. On the other side of that coin, some people might not recognize they’re talking excessively.
You would need to try to possibly find a way to gently diminish the dialog without offending them and losing them from your life if it’s becoming burdensome. Let’s look at some ways you can do this.
1. Paraphrasing can work without offending the individual
When someone is involved in a lengthy descriptive dialog, they will be less likely to take you paraphrasing what they’re telling you offensively, believing you’re merely participating in their story.
In reality, you’re diminishing the context by summing up what the person is telling you in a way that will come across to them as though you’re trying to better interpret the descriptors they’re using.
The person can then skip that whole section of conversation and move forward. You can handle an entire lengthy discussion by stopping your friend every so often to sound as though you’re trying to make the story clearer for yourself when your attempt is to push through it.
2. You can tell a friend that you’re incredibly busy if you are
If you are friends with this chatty person, you can be honest with them. You already know their personality and recognize that the conversation will be extensive when you get together or the mobile rings.
Tell your friend the truth if you’re genuinely in a hurry or in the middle of something that you can’t take that sort of time away from. That can’t possibly be offensive to someone if they’re an authentic friend.
Usually, people don’t stop by without announcing they’ll be coming by in case you’re busy. If your friend happens to stop by unannounced, they will be at the mercy of whatever you’re involved in.
If you’re on your way out, say so. Now, when you’re working, tell them you have to work and have no time to visit currently; you’ll have to schedule a time. If a call comes through, leave no dead air for a conversation to begin.
Simply say that you’re in the middle of something and will need to call back, or they’ll need to ring later, apologize, and tell them you’ll talk then and hang up. If there is any opportunity or hesitation, the person will just begin talking; you have to be firm without being offensive.
You can even tell them that they likely get it as they, too, have busy schedules, and indeed that will help them understand.
3. Find the focal point and keep them centered
Sometimes a chatty person jumps around from one subject to another, not sticking with the intended purpose of the conversation. That can be off-putting for you as the listener if the point is to resolve a problem and you can’t seem to get to the crux of the issue because the topic keeps changing.
Again, friends can be firm with each other and honest. The priority is to avoid being offensive. If you gently continue to remind your friend of the reason for the discussion and guide them back to the focus of the conversation, you can then attempt to help with a resolution.
That’s the goal, trying to get to the bottom of the real problem and helping in whatever way you can. Needless to say, a chatty person tends to be somewhat excitable, especially when they’re experiencing difficulties. The idea of keeping them centered and calm in order to provide advice is easier said than done.
This sort of conversation will likely be more extensive than a general discussion with the person, particularly considering your desire to offer guidance.
4. Are you compatible as friends
You know this person to talk excessively, and you established them as an acquaintance. Perhaps you haven’t necessarily become friends to this point, and you’re not too sure that’s a good idea.
While the individual likes you and finds trust and empathy with you since they confide in you, you find their negative vibe as too much to deal with.
In that scenario, finding a gentle way to prevent the acquaintance relationship from developing any further, instead diminishing from even that point, is crucial.
You don’t have to subject your life to someone who detracts from your joy. But it is a lot of responsibility to ensure that when you don’t want someone’s friendship, you break away subtly and without hurting them.
5. Searching for someone who will show empathy
Most of the time, people who talk too much genuinely do seek out people who give off a vibe of exceptional empathy and a talent for actively listening when other people speak.
Still, they don’t talk to just anyone. Often these chatters develop a rapport where they feel a sense of trust and have established a liking for the person they tend to chat up.
Further, it’s suggested that many times the people who talk a lot, especially in adulthood, have been through a stressful order in their lives or they’ve had trauma.
These people aren’t attempting to burden others or bring them down, but it is something that you need to decide if you’re up for when you run into someone with this tendency.
The ideal way to make this friendship work is to set your boundaries immediately and ensure these aren’t crossed. If you let something slide a time or two or decide to let one or two things go, that person won’t take any of what you’ve set up seriously.
You must stand firmly behind each boundary you set and not budge from your stance. If you find it becomes necessary to move on from the person, do so by explaining your reasons and go.
It’s unclear what gauge is used when deciding how much talk is too much when you have a conversation with someone and who gets to be the person to determine that you’re overly chatty.
It’s always been sort of a rule that when you become friends with someone, you take them as they are regardless of the flaws, eccentricities, and weaknesses; somehow, everything just works out. Where one person is weak, the other is strong, and vice versa.
Usually, in a friendship, you will find one that’s a bit more gregarious, while the other is somewhat more subdued. It hasn’t stopped any one of the individuals from powering on with their bond.
Still, it’s a matter of what you can tolerate. Suppose the individual is an acquaintance who talks too much, and it’s simply too overbearing for you. In that case, it will be necessary to subtly remove yourself from the situation, causing as little harm as possible.
While no one has to be friends with anyone, it’s important to recognize when someone latches onto you as a chat buddy; they feel a sense of comfort with you, empathy, trust and like you. Rejection is harsh. Make sure you have the right motivation.