Among the worst emotional experiences is having a broken heart. Those feelings can be magnified when the partner walking away creates a toxic relationship.
It takes significant time and self-evaluation to work through the issues that result from that if there’s hope to move on to something or someone healthy instead of repeating the pattern.
Even when you believe you’ve healed and are on a good path, you might still have some doubts concerning your judgment when you start meeting new people.
It’s a matter of replacing the negative thoughts and memories with positive energy and establishing a new history to override what’s stuck there.
Try to ensure you don’t have mementos, photos, keepsakes, contact details, social network access, nothing from your ex that will fuel these memories.
Deleting and blocking the individual’s contact and tossing away the keepsakes will not only be freeing but open you up to the possibility of meeting someone new and different.
When the good guy comes along, and he will, try to trust your instincts. Everyone goes through a few bad seeds before they find the sprout.
While you don’t want to give them credit, the bad ones are there to hone your strength, establish your character, show you the wrong way so when the right one comes along, you have the tools you need to develop a healthy connection.
Dating someone after a toxic relationship
After healing a broken heart, getting back into the dating world, and finally meeting the man you believe might just be a good guy, you might feel a little unsure of how to handle the partnership. Your example to this point has been toxic, and perhaps relationships before that one were less than stellar.
Fortunately, you can take a moment to switch your mindset away from the negative you got from these partnerships and consider, instead, what you took or learned from each one that could benefit you now.
There are life lessons with every person we meet; even if that encounter is only a split second, something should have been gained. A toxic partner will enhance your strength.
It might not show up while you’re in the throes of the toxicity, but if you come out unscathed to move on to something healthy, you survived. That depicts immense strength you can use with a new partner, perhaps to encourage and motivate them when they need support.
What are some further advice and tips when you meet and begin dating a good guy after being in a toxic relationship? Let’s find out.
Work on your mindset when you meet the good guy
If you meet a good guy and the two of you decide to date, starting from the initial date, it’s crucial to approach the experience positively.
You will likely believe the gentleman seems too good to be true since you’re not used to someone being respectful, kind, or courteous, nor have you experienced chivalry.
Contrary to popular belief, while women are independent, free-thinking, and capable, most of us accept and appreciate most heartily a gentleman’s chivalry and miss it when people prefer to be “progressive.”
Further, when you recognize these are authentically good qualities, don’t feel as though you’re unworthy of this behavior from a man.
While this might be the first time you’ve come in contact with decency, that doesn’t mean you were always meant to be in a toxic partnership; it’s simply an indication that your mindset is evolving to where you now look for those you are deserving of.
Did you allow yourself time to heal
The previous relationship was toxic, but it was familiar and comfortable. If you’re seeing a good guy and having any doubts about the relationship, it’s essential to examine whether you’ve fully healed from your breakup.
For instance, are you messaging your ex after indulging in too much alcohol, or do you still think of the man and cry about his walking away? While you won’t be able to wait until you’re 100 percent healed, you want to be much further along than that before making your way out there.
If you go too soon, any good person you meet will end up hurt because your mind will be on the old relationship and not focusing on establishing something meaningful with them.
And even if you were to allow a partnership with a good guy under these conditions, it would not be easy to sustain when you’re merely using it to keep your mind busy from your ex.
After some time, the good guy will start to remind you of the old relationship since you’ll associate him with helping you to get through it – a rebound.
Make sure your expectations are reasonable
After a breakup from a toxic relationship and the beginning of a relationship with a good guy, you shouldn’t bring expectations into the new romance.
It’s good to be positive, but there’s a point when putting all your hopes into this person being the “love of your life” might create undue pressure for yourself, disallowing you from enjoying the moment.
You can also expect this person to materialize immediately upon breaking up from the toxic boyfriend. That’s doing a significant injustice to yourself.
You need time to experience being on your own, learn who you are and what you want – even if that means becoming lonely. It would be best if you didn’t rush into anything. This could be how you end up with the wrong partners. Reflect on that before diving in.
Choose your conversations wisely
When you meet a good guy after a toxic breakup, going out should be fun with generic conversations until you decide you might want to take things to an exclusive level.
You don’t want to discuss your previous relationship unless the guy asks a specific question and then only answers the question directly and briefly.
It’s better to avoid going into the toxic details or showing emotion concerning the partnership; it could be off-putting to someone trying to get to know you.
Further, you want to avoid discussing your ex-mate as an individual altogether. However, if you choose to talk about this person it will make an impression on the good guy you’re seeing now.
Regardless of someone’s confidence, when someone hears a partner discussing their ex and their language is vehement, it can harm the partnership since this individual is wondering what you might say if they do something wrong.
While ex-partners might be a subject of interest with details that are important down the road as things become more serious, the start of a romance is not the right time. If you do ever discuss old partners, do so with respect and tact.
Always be the authentic version of who you are
It doesn’t pay to put on pretenses with a good guy. He wants to know you for who you genuinely are. And in reality, you won’t find your ideal match when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
If you think about the toxic partnership you’re just coming out of, you often had to pretend in how you handled your personality, neglecting the things you liked, avoiding people you wanted to include in your life, schedules, routines, and the day-to-day in general. You’re no longer in that trap.
You have the freedom to tell someone who you really are and what you want and need.
It’s the perfect opportunity to present your true identity and gain insight into what your mind and body trigger regarding how to respond to this individual without putting on airs.
The relationship can then only be authentic from that point. If you notice any signs of negativity or toxicity from the other person regarding who or what you represent, run away.
As a rule, with a good guy, the refreshing honesty will play in both your favors leading to immense trust that will allow for a deep bond to grow so you can take the next step into an exclusive relationship.
It is possible to have a thriving romance with a good guy after experiencing a toxic relationship. Many things will depend on allowing yourself to return to a good place after the toxicity.
That’s not something you can rush, nor should you just jump back into another exclusive partnership immediately.
It’s better to take your time after you do some self-evaluation and healing. Once you have an idea of who you are and what you want, you’ll be better prepared for the good guys that come along, and they will.
I say that because, with healing, you’ll develop a different mindset taking you out of the unhealthy patterns you might have been stuck in and helping you to see things and people from a different perspective.
The priority is recognizing your self-worth and finding your self-love so you can accept the affection from a good guy knowing in your heart you deserve him.