If you’re newly divorced, you’ll find the first foray onto the social scene after your divorce is not one that will make you believe in love again. Everyone is different, but divorce is not easy for anyone, even if you were ready for an extended time. There will still be a substantial period of healing from the loss.
You might not be in love with the person. But you shared a passion at one time, a life, intimacy, and moments, memories that won’t simply disappear because you let yourself fall out of love.
Now that your life is void of this person, once a large portion of your world, who you were, you need to refocus, recenter. Then learn to move forward independently. Then heal from what feels like losing a part of you despite there no longer being feelings of love.
So, likely even the second time heading out to test, the dating waters will feel strained, maybe forced. Thus, that won’t be something you’re probably ready to take seriously any time soon. If you try too hard, too fast, the rebound won’t last.
You’ll want to be cautious and slow-moving until you rediscover confidence in your own judgment again, and develop trust in partners. Then believe that you have the capacity to maintain a healthy relationship for the long term.
What is the average dating time before considering the notion of a second marriage? Is that an option, or should you pull in the reins?
The average length of relationships Before 2nd marriage
The suggestion is that over half of divorced people go on to remarry. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should or that it’s the best choice or the right decision for you.
You might be surprised to find there is also an indication that there is a greater percentage of divorces among second marriages compared to first marriages.
That doesn’t mean if you find your perfect match, it won’t work out for you. It merely means that many people are rushing in when they’re not ready or choosing the wrong people, especially in their 20s.
Is there a right time or a specific amount of time you should wait? More specifically, is there an average waiting period between dating and a 2nd marriage?
Really, no one can put a universal time frame on how long it should take the average person to heal from the first marriage well enough to come to the point of emotionally and mentally being prepared to remarry or even date.
So, some people suggest that dating for two years is the best time. Others think that six months should be enough to remarry. However, in reality, that’s case by case, subjective, will depend on the individual person.
That’s sort of like asking how soon you can restore someone’s faith in romance or how quickly can you help someone believe in love and commitment again? These are rhetorical questions; there’s no right or wrong answer.
A suggestion is that many divorced individuals are eager to re-tie the knot. How fast that is will depend on the person. Personally, I waited two years but started dating way too soon.
I believe some of that is because people don’t want to be alone after experiencing life with a companion, a sort of fear of what’s unknown.
The thing is, it’s not wise to grasp something based on fear, nor is it good to take a mad dash down the aisle to avoid being alone. Let’s examine why the average wait between dating and remarriage should be delayed.
Why should you delay the average dating before remarrying
Remarriage after divorce in your 40s, 50s, or any other age is a considerable decision. Some people jump into it much too fast, even before healing from the first marriage. Sadly, that can eventually cause problems for the second partnership if the individual hasn’t fully dealt with their feelings from the first relationship.
You should avoid rushing into a second marriage, particularly if the only reason for the “race” is the fear of what’s out there. Perhaps you’re looking for a safety net to avoid facing the unknown on your own. That’s not a healthy excuse to take on a new spouse.
How do you know if you’re ready or whether you should delay what would be considered the average dating time recommended before remarrying? Look at these reasons why you should continue to wait.
Your self-esteem took a significant hit
You lost a lot with the divorce, but nothing more valuable than your self-esteem and confidence. Because this is lacking, you might have paired up with a mate that isn’t the sort you would typically accept. That means this might not be a particularly healthy match.
Suppose you feel as though you’re becoming codependent or relying on this individual for validation or recognize this isn’t a person that brings complete joy and satisfaction to you. In that case, there should be no plans for a wedding or engagement.
The suggestion is that this person be someone you only casually see if you continue at all.
What’s a priority at this point is reestablishing a relationship with yourself before seriously becoming involved with anyone in your 40s for example. You need to think about finding your independence, developing personal interests, and even reigniting old friendships.
That will lead to a rediscovery of your confidence. And from there, you will eventually find a mate you might want to commit to or may not.
You imagine the day you’ll get back with your ex
When people divorce and go through the healing process, there is a period where they start to doubt their decision. So, they have images of their ex that they view from a rose-colored glass perspective, even considering what things might be like to reconnect.
That isn’t an indication that you want to remarry your ex. But it is a sign that you’re not fully healed and need more time to go through the process. Certainly, that’s nowhere near the prospect of serious dating or the potential for a long-term commitment.
You’re still at the stage where you need to recognize that the chapter has ended and close the book in order to progress forward in your life on your own.
You’re pointing fingers for the divorce at your ex solely
Moving forward into a new marriage will be challenging if you see yourself as infallible. Relationships take two people. Also, the demise of these partnerships is never solely the responsibility of merely one of those mates; each is a contributor.
If you missed the life lessons, you’d take the same interpersonal skills or those you lacked into your new marriage creating damage there.
You carry contempt for your ex-spouse
Perhaps there was extreme contention with the divorce, and you’re still experiencing a great deal of rage aimed at your ex.
That’s an unhealthy way to begin a new life with the possibility for you to project those negative feelings onto your new spouse. If the old mate and the new have any commonalities, the potential is real.
Important details of the divorce are still lingering unresolved
No matter how much you love your new mate and whether you believe this second marriage will last forever and a day, you should delay the nuptials if your divorce details are not complete.
If your new partner is not patient nor understanding about the fact you need to wait a bit longer to finalize a few more things in your decree, perhaps it’s not the right relationship. There should truly be no need to rush with issues still lingering.
Going ahead with the ceremony and attempting to start a fresh life with the old life in the background can result in negativity being brought into the new marriage.
You’ll want to discuss the stresses you’re dealing with in the divorce. But the new spouse will want the focus on them and the present. That’s not a good situation.
Finances are a burden
Perhaps you rely on alimony; maybe you are newly employed after being a stay-at-home partner, or you simply don’t know how to handle finances. These are the wrong reasons to seek out a person to rush into a second marriage with.
There are other ways to gain insight into financial planning, budgeting, and producing more income without using another person. Getting married for financial support looks sadly like another divorce in the future.
Search for a financial advisor to guide you on a healthy financial path. Set yourself up as an independent and self-sufficient person. Then when you’re handling your own life, look for someone to complement what you’ve created instead of trying to find someone to depend on.
The average wait time between dating again and remarrying a second time will vary from person to person. Still, the suggestion is that people take sufficient time to heal from the divorce and reestablish their independence and individuality before taking a stroll down the aisle a second time.
When you reintroduce yourself to who you were before you were married, allowing a renewed confidence and feelings of self-worth, you won’t need a new companion. Still, if you meet someone who feels like an ideal accentuation to what you’ve created, the opportunity is yours at that point.